I recently had drastic life changes and I am recreating myself. It is a rich mix of three emotions; ingenuity, anxiety, and anticipation.
I am moved out from the same house as my girlfriend. I am living with two random guys, one from my past and another I just met. The new guy is awesome, his name is Prithvi and he is a super cool guy who works for a psychology of sex professor at Eastern Michigan. The guy I do know is Nick, a former track runner turned artist with tons of paintings and paints all over the apartment. He is beautifully out of control, and reminds me of myself when I was a reckless pointless artist in college. Ypsilanti, unlike Ann Arbor, is a fantastic depository of character and human interaction. Ann Arbor thinks it is better, which it is in the traditional sense: higher society people with more money. But Ypsilanti is fun, and fucked up. Its much more exciting here, like the landscape isn’t set right.
I am working on multiple art projects at once, trying to publish my own comic book, working two part time jobs, learning Dutch, and trying to orchestrate a trip to South Africa which I just bought tickets for. My life is packed with so many things to do and I am barely hanging on, but having a great time figuring out all the shit I forgot. I am rediscovering my independence and I am surprised by how capable I am at multi-tasking all the different things I need to do. I am going to be successful, and even though I am barely above water right now I know I am going to swim out of all of this alive and strong as all hell.
At first I was sad and lonely moving away from the person I love. I spent many nights thinking about where they were and why they doomed me to exile. That has changed now.
I feel possessed by a kind of wild energy that had lay dormant for a long time and is demanding to be fed. I have regained this kind of spark, something I felt when running down the track in High School, when creating my application for Survivor by getting drunk and lighting things on fire, and when painting my visions of storm clouds in College. This unsteady need to create is growing in me. I don’t know where it’s all headed but all I see when I close my eyes are bright lights and a bigger world. I am coming out of a dark cave and looking into the future and it is vast and boundless.
I am scared of what is to come, but I also can’t wait to get there. Something is happening.